The whole flower: from identity to sexuality

Roots

Gender identity

Your inner sense of your own gender: who you know yourself to be. It grows out of sight, and nobody can read it from your petals or your stem.

Cisgender

Your gender identity matches the gender you were assigned at birth.

Transgender (trans)

Your gender identity is different from the gender you were assigned at birth. Being trans doesn't depend on any medical step.

Non-binary

A gender outside the categories of man and woman, somewhere between them, or not fully inside either. An umbrella for many different experiences.

Genderfluid

A gender that moves over time.

Agender

Having no gender, or not experiencing gender as part of who you are.

Genderqueer

An older umbrella word for genders outside the norm, still used by some non-binary people.

Stem and leaves

Body and sex characteristics

The body: chromosomes, hormones, genitals, internal organs, the way it develops. Bodies vary far more than two boxes suggest, and a body doesn't decide anyone's gender.

Sex assigned at birth

The label, usually female or male, given at birth based on how the body looks.

Intersex

People born with sex characteristics that don't fit typical definitions of female or male bodies. It's a natural variation, more common than many think, and some intersex people only find out later in life.

Endosex

People whose sex characteristics fit the typical categories.

Transition

The steps some trans people take to live as their gender: social (name, pronouns, clothes), legal and, for some, medical. There's no single right route.

Gender dysphoria and euphoria

Dysphoria is the distress when your body, or how others see you, doesn't match your gender. Euphoria is the joy when it does. Not every trans person experiences dysphoria.

Petals

Gender expression

How you show your gender to the world: clothes, hair, voice, gestures, name. Like petals, it can change colour with the seasons, and it says nothing about what's at the roots.

Feminine or femme

Expression drawing on what's usually read as feminine. Open to anyone, of any gender.

Masculine or masc

Expression drawing on what's usually read as masculine. Also open to anyone.

Androgynous

Expression that mixes, or sits between, what's read as masculine and feminine.

Gender non-conforming

Expression that doesn't follow what's expected of your gender.

Pronouns

The words people use for you: she, he, they, and others. Asking beats guessing.

Expression isn't identity. A man in a dress is no less a man, and a butch woman is no less a woman.

Bees

Sexual attraction

Who you're drawn to sexually, if anyone. Some flowers have many visitors, some a few, and some thrive without ever needing bees.

Heterosexual (straight)

Attraction to a gender different from your own, most often between men and women.

Gay

Attraction to people of the same gender. Used mostly by men, and also by many women and non-binary people.

Lesbian

Women, and some non-binary people, who are attracted to women.

Bisexual (bi)

Attraction to more than one gender. Not necessarily equally, or at the same time.

Pansexual (pan)

Attraction regardless of gender. It overlaps with bi; people pick the word that feels like theirs.

Asexual (ace)

Little or no sexual attraction. Ace people may still want relationships, intimacy, and sometimes sex, for other reasons.

Demisexual

Sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond.

Greysexual (grey-ace)

Sexual attraction that's rare, faint, or only there in certain situations.

Allosexual

Experiencing sexual attraction. The counterpart to asexual.

Queer

An umbrella word reclaimed by many LGBTQIA+ people. Some older people still hear it as a slur.

Sun

Romantic attraction

Who you turn toward romantically: falling in love, partnership, closeness. For many people it matches their sexual attraction. For some it doesn't, and that's worth knowing.

Aromantic (aro)

Little or no romantic attraction. Aro people can have deep friendships, committed partnerships and sex lives.

Biromantic, panromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic

Romantic attraction to more than one gender, regardless of gender, to the same gender, or to a different one. An asexual biromantic person, for example, may fall in love with more than one gender without feeling sexual attraction.

Demiromantic

Romantic attraction only after a close bond.

Split attraction model

The idea that sexual and romantic attraction can point in different directions. Some find it useful; others don't use it at all.

Bud

Blooming time

Flowers open at different times: some in spring, some in late summer, some only at night. Coming out, or not, works the same way.

Coming out

Telling others about your orientation or gender. It isn't one event: it happens again with each new person, job or country.

Coming in

Accepting it yourself first. Often the harder part.

Closeted

Not out, to some people or to anyone. Often a sensible choice about safety, not a lack of courage.

Questioning

Exploring without a conclusion. You can stay here as long as you need.

No label

Some people never use a word, and that's complete in itself.